hammock

Time itself is bringing down our life

on the ground then we almost made it

Everything gets older every day

all the while the rare moments like sunsets sadly fade away

Everything is in these moments

in sunsets and sunrises we knew

yet in the end

truly there are few

moments are never a getting younger

every day begins and ends

through some perpetual hunger

hopes collapse and fade away

these meanings we recall at the end

take your time while looking back

on the times of life passed away

a time of wanting to find a better place

a childish hope on a better place to play

All the places we will never go

never to see again a look on your face

moments feeling like they wouldnt end

oh the days I wish I just might saved

holding on loosely to what never lasts

you must let go when the moments are sold

like decisions the die is cast

love eternal sacrificed for the past

nights are never warm by looking back

without that touch memories leave you sad

memories of days saved, days together

recall them in the sun the stars the weather

pile up destruction by regrets

emptiness like an empty pest

swallow darkness in a tear

nonetheless only one place was ever a place of rest

selling self when theres more to buy

delusion of the heart worth the why

sadness as gifts given to less than the sum

loss of warmth of countless setting suns

tender moments filled once filled every need

with the one true kiss when it all was peace

the only truth those days swinging between trees

when the world was right and laughter was so deep

lies

When I see her lies
she must realize
when I looked in her eyes
I see inside her head
she closes her eyes
it wont help her deny
how she blurs the lines

over the last year
I shed my tears
over lies I hate
realized my fears
she tried to blame
I saw through her game
I call her on the lies
I never compromise
on truth I never hide

She wanted color
yet she can't take
all the fall out
every one that doubts
now that she is out
but we all know
and we all knew
its all on her
she cant see true

help her

if you see her
please will you help her
she's not what she seems
will you give her the answers

If you see her
please will you help her
like still waters
she feels dead on the inside

If you see her
will you help her
as a child
she remembers feeling alive

If you see her
will you help her
everyone that walked in her life
only one different than the others

every sleepless night
will you help her
she is looking for answers
with questions unanswered

If you see her
please will you help her
with poems written on her soul
she should have known better

If you see her
please will you help her
when she feels so alone
holding her unanswered questions

If you see her
Please will you help her
will she end up like her mother
all alone and with no other

If you see her
Please will you help her
I can't help her
but I'll love her forever

strangelove

rain
won't you
be complete
without me

I'll be alone
I'll be dancing
and you know it
believe

you told me
troubles and doubts
I gave you everything
inside and out

your loves strange
you wield your weapons
wielded in your heart
death of tender things
we were working on

the slow change
that pulled us apart
delusions of your mind
you let into your heart

wont you
keep your eyes closed
to yourself
so you never see

you might look my way
cause you never loved me
yet the rain keeps falling
keeps falling down

you can look my way
you won't recognize me
you can try and pretend
you won't forget me

you can call my name
I'll walk on by
your never forgiven
sleeping with your lies

I never harmed you
never your defenses
of vanity by insecurity
I put you back together
despite your heart

you can try to pretend
yet I never withered
I didnt end
call my name

demonize me
so it easier you see
cling to delusions
so easily

as I walk away

wont you
keep your eyes closed
to yourself
so you never see

its out always out there
so you are never to blame
Don't you see yourself
cause then you see me
the rain keeps falling

see

someone said when it rains it pours
I dont know and I dont care anymore
through my trials in my tribulations
strong in my convictions cause I want more

Riding down and up my soul laid bare
breathing deeply opened up to the air
watchin people walk by mediocre everywhere
I would rather walk alone than settle there

someday she might see me here where i am
maybe open her eyes and see me clearly
I'll keep going though it may cost me dearly
I hold out for her when she stays near me

It may take her a life to see this
If she waits long enough she will know
through fire and freezes she can believe it
See my strength and the passion in my soul

theres a lack of human thorough fare
lack of vision for details in the air
most men don't see a future in her heart
I see her fragile when her soul is bare

In my eyes and in my heart you can see this
say goodbye to the wastelands and we'll go far
I said take a moment to open up and see this
the true heart

paper man

Sometimes a chance can pass
a passion that should be seen
sometimes what we look for
is the one thing not seen

when it seems a chance is past
a moment, time to make a choice
that may save the best for last
regrets or love all you have

I remember each time you came to me
when the dead end let you bleed
I was there to help you through
remembered how you broke my heart
I wondered what was wrong with you

nothing has ever gone how I planned
a broken man can you understand
all my pieces put together for you
a paper man to help you stand

there were times when i had one wish
you would tell me your heart was true
you would shine your eyes with a smile
somehow it was enough with you

stand there with me face to face
cause my love this is a crazy place
so take my hand and be my shore
or burn this paper man once more

maybe once more a chance may pass
will you save the best for last
or watch the paper man burning
in your hands

wars to come

walk into our room
listening by the window
wet from dancing in the rain
with you

raindrops fall like you talk softly
listen to you in the background
light by our candles
and everywhere is you

what can happen now
unbelieable some might say
your light is all I recognize
I can't escape
Most of you

what connects our worlds
passion or convenience
yet there are you
when I need you most
there are you

life is prompting me to say
with our light none can tear us apart
what is the light you recognize
your friend is here
when you need him most

the future changes
inevitable suffering
life will give grief
pillars will pass away
I will be there
no need to find

some things your hold dear
are here today
will be gone tomorrow
when your wars come
I'll be there
so believe

holding

hold on now
just slow down
its you
its just me

lay down
stay beside me
we have found
all we realize
wiser than before

let me hold you
touch your shoulder
lay down beside me
lets go there

shed the doubts
in the end
its these moments
all that counts

I could never accept
you shouldnt either
your getting older
so lay down beside me

life doesnt get warmer
remember you and me
when there's cold
never sell out
what we are
we could be

lets go there
where theres light
where we found
a window in rain
where you found me

let me cover you
when its colder
when your older
stay to say
I love you

second wind

you my immaculate dream
felt you like a new wind
with skin you could hide
yet I came to decide
your illusions inside
clearly now I see you

It took me some time
to decipher your crimes
Took me a year gone by
to remember the signs
every one hidden by you

I refused to stay blind
like you are to hope
like I want to hide
your lies like deja vu
take me apart in pieces

for who do you bleed
and who do you love
after all is said
after all is done

it will take some time
to recover from your crime
I'll not be blind
to hope inside
as the wind blows
opening my life

I hear your words
I swear I heard before
I'm an awakened string
I'm unwrapped from your finger
ponted by you in the mirror
you created for you

chills from you now real
so long lost in your lies
you removed from my tattoo
I am clear from being blind
how you blew me into a cry
stay blind warm in your lies

for who do you bleed
and who do you love
after all is said
after all is done

I'll make it alright
in the sun filled sky
theres new wind blowing
into my life

waterfall and oceans

On a walk in the cold
I thought of you my love
like the sun through the rain
with your eyes in my mind
nothing can make me feel down

Do you ever think of me
in you is it me you hide
I know it may not work
and it may hurt
you and me again

Its hard to believe
I pass by the place we meet
you have to know
I think of you again

it may not work
and it may hurt
you and me again
it may not work
there may be hurts
under stars again

under waterfalls
when the ocean calls
I'll hold you
like I said
when you are near
I'm better out there

there are things I must show
there are streets of gold
and oceans and seas blue
you need to know

On my walk in the cold
I thought of you my love
like the sun through the rain
with your eyes in my mind
I don't feel like coming down

under waterfalls
when the ocean calls
I'll hold you
like I said
with you in my life
I'm better out there

it may not work
you can be sure
there may be hurts
but we can be
under stars again

sands

In her eyes I see
everthing in me
with her I believe
Her presence frees me

when I feel weak
If she is near I know
and I can see again
I hear heaven call

she's my ocean
she's my heaven
and when she stays
in our light
she's better there

seawind in her hair
is never fair
taking my breath away
I'm stripped bare

I close my eyes
and I see her face
steps to the sands
she understands

I'll walk the sand
she's coming too
so I'll sing for her
what else can I do

she's my ocean
she's my heaven
and when she stays
in our light
she's better there

seawind in her hair
is never fair
taking my breath away
I'm stripped bare

missing

Everytime I think of her
I get a little older
will I see my daughter
one more wish to hold her

Everyday I lose more of me
If I see a father throw a ball
to his beloved son
Laughter to make tears fall
will I see me son ever again

If heaven should ever call
would they know
I loved them too

If fate should take my life
would they know
How I wanted to go
to sing them to sleep again

I wonder if they know
I'm thinking of them
hope on hope all thats left
to see their face again

all my prayers make me hurt
they make me worse
cause they never work
will I see their face again

If heaven should ever call
would they know
I loved them too

If fate takes my life
will they know
I would have shown
to sing them to sleep again

the waves

I realize when I start to drown
I needed to slow my breathing down
The wave says where I end and begin

Strength of the ocean everywhere
waves crashing here and there
I'll always take the risk to win

Thrown a million times
waves have come to rule my life
I will only stop to start again

I see the surface I need the air
end over end surface everywhere
I can almost touch it with my hand

Just another wave is my life
the only thing thats true
the ocean rules the game
nothing else matters to me
in the ocean my heart beats

waiting on another wave
only to wash and baptize me
I can breathe again

I ride the storm until I'm free
don't need a woman to define me
the rush of waves is all I need

the ocean tells me where
tells me where I begin or end
my blood may be everwhere

I'm going up to come down
may pay the price I see
but I will be free

the ocean rules the game
nothing else matters to me
in the ocean my heart will always beat

swinging between trees

Time is the seasons of our life
And we get older every day
while all the golden moments
like sunsets sadly fade away

Everything is in these moments
in sunsets and sunrises anew
yet in the end
truly there are few

moments are never a getting younger
every day begins and ends
through some perpetual hunger
hopes that seem to fade away
slowly slowing before the end

Looking back on the times
on the times of life passed away
wanting so much to find a better place
childish hoping on a better place to play

All the places we will never go
never to see again a look on your face
moments feeling like they wouldnt end
oh the days I wish I just might save

holding on loosely to what never lasts
you can't hold what was sold
like decisions the die is cast
love eternal sacrificed for past

nights are never warm by looking back
without touch memories leave you sad
days are saved, days together
in the sun the stars the weather

pile up destruction by regrets
emptiness like an empty pest
swallow darkness nonetheless
only one place is a place of rest

selling selves when theres more to buy
delusion of the heart worth the why
give the gifts to less than the sum
loss of warmth of countless setting suns

moments when filled by every need
past moments treasured sacriced the peace
the only truth those days swinging between trees
when the world was right and laughter was so deep

The way you bathe in light
leaves me humbled by your side
and I can hardly breathe


when we meet its like we never left
your light all i need for sight
there are no needs

In your light I can hide
I dont mind I can breathe
like the ocean it surrounds me


I've ran far, so far from home
when you leave I'm so weary
like sun fading like a flower


In your air I can breathe tonight
like a falling star rising high
you like sun overtakes me in light

last time

One last time for truth
the final stand for you
like sand in your hands
a moment slipped away

take flight my love
you always had a choice
although I am gone
you will hear my voice
calling from behind your fear

windows

Another crush he withstands from her
giving every gift until he is spent
she wont defend his heart heaven has sent
innocence evades every fault he could repent

every memory of every window he sees her she knows
sadness seen like a warm rain seen through the view
stripped and real like sadness that the winds blow
a lonely breeze on his face in a word she throws

In a morning sune here's his hope once again
sacrificing again for her more than money lends
like falling sand to hold her hand heaven sends
like a frozen clouds a heavy heart tries to mend

playing like silent songs to ease her madness
setting in the sunset glamorized to see sunrise
lost like a memory by a window in a room to rest
soft like songs in poems or whispers she says

In her siren songs are truths I can't erase
every planet that is aligned fragile in her face
like the ocean breathes they send me to my knees
is there anything I could ever give her to be free

Lying next to her lies the emptiness that she creates
she takes a drink that accentuates everything she hates
in a silent hallway in a small way she seizes the fates
The fraudulent stars are out of line still by her he waits

theres the memory of the window

waters edge

Walk with me to the waters edge
where there are things left unsaid
words they turn me inside out
listen to the waves with me

Let me share with you
the years that I have spent
the wounds that I have bled
listen to the waves with me

How many times do I have to try
I know I try to much to tell you
everything not yet begun
listen to the waves with me

Let me hear words fall from your mouth
tell me how I am blind and how
I won't believe your boat is sinking
Please listen to the waves with me

Let me share books I never read
the dreams I have dreamt instead
all my fears and what I dread
listen to the waves with me

Let me speak of time well spent
tell me why it is like this
all these words never said
listen to the waves with me

hear my joys seldom said
I dont think you know how I feel
oceans to cast away all doubts
listen to the waves with me

Stay with me at the waters edge
are feelings left better unsaid
then why am I turned inside out
listen to the waves with me

miles

Can I walk with you a mile
wipe the tears from your eyes
stop the wars that leave you lonely
fallen like a child

to hold you burns
burns
something in me yearns
hurts

Standing by you another mile
through the circles thru turns
I used to be a little boy
a little boy my love

Standing silent near truth
paying the price of your wall
the clock ticks timing my wounds
If I stumble who catches my fall

to hold you burns
burns
something in me yearns
hurts

All the drums beat out of time
every string holding you unwinds
when you are lost in the lines
in darkest days I will find you

If very ocean seems to crash upon you
I will swim through the endless tempest
My strength is you and passions past
When my breath is thin I will not rest

to hold you burns
burns
something in me yearns
hurts

I used to be a little boy
or so I've been told how
you wouldn't harm me then
why would you harm me now

ocean in winter

Like an angel
in the dead of winter
where once an ocean
I stand there dry

Clouds separate me
its light she's giving
gravitating to the high
looking in her eyes

Can she carry me
through the doors
from all I've suffered
a brand new life

like water she carries me
through all I've suffered
when I have her all
nothing is missing
like a wave crashing
filling my soul

Like a bridge
she fills my distance
distance there to here
an angel for my sinner

Then she pours herself
a salve in my burning
when I've faded for her
Like a desert in winter

like water she carries me
through all I've suffered
when I have her all
nothing is missing
like a wave crashing
filling my soul

the two

When I think back now
everything was there in two
All the storms were calm
when I was near you

even now I hear a song
suddenly I lose all my breath
I see the roads I've taken
In the dark I see my regrets

With you two I was strong
I dream does heaven hear me now
now that all my strength is gone
the last hope is all thats left

It never ends will I make it
I'm haunted and I feel gone
will I see my daughter
will I see my son

I'm lost without their cause
after all that i've been through
is there any way to be strong
your'e never far from me my two

Every day to lift my head what I do
I wonder where you two are
do you remember all the times
your daddy sang to you your song

If I had to do it all again
I would still battle for you
give it everything I am and ever was
give my life give everything for two

circumstance

You can doubt my love
If you do, I don't mind
I love you even in the end
even if you think I don't

What makes two people be
everything they can't see
I find you doubting these
just love eachother anyway

can love answer questions
words made to misunderstand
what makes these doubts think
expensive spending doubts seize

does any love someone much
to take away worry take fear
baptize everything held dear
this is the essence of love

love is truth in ending fear
all these things can repair
if you deny yourself this truth
then love is led away from you

safe

If the mountains crumble
if the world dissappears
I will by your crying shoulder
take your tears hold your fear

If the world breaks you apart
if the oceans swallow your heart
I will be your solace and your shore
I will carry you when the rains pour

If a dark cloud steals your smiles
If the dark leaves you lying cold
I will warm you beyond the sun

I will be there for you
your crying shoulder
I'll throw the lifeline
even if the mountains stumble

to hold on your heart
you know I'll be there
whenever you want me to
no matter where I go

I'll keep you safe

cure

I found the depths of my tears drying here
I found the the center of my mind within
I don't deny the symptoms or the cure
then why do you

I found the cure within you
Its not deep
yet its still within you
I found the cure within you
Its not deep
yet its still within you

Only the sight of your eyes grips my soul
The distance I would fly refuses any toll
I don't deny the reasons for my cause
Then why do you

I found the cure within you
Its not deep
yet its still within you
I found the cure within you
Its not deep
yet its still within you

conquer

I like to see you in morning
after all its you inside
Like the sun through the trees
In your eyes i'm not blind

You lift my heart and lift me out
You keep me walking If i fall down
Ignore me when I see distant signs
Hold me close I hear you say

You know my way
twists and turns
you know the way
I'm left dry
all my colors
walk for miles
hold me close
I hear her say

You find me in the pouring snow
calling me in my distant fear
if I walk away follow my tears
to make my doubts crystal clear

If you want a part of me
baptized you must be clean
I'll pour myself over things
can you be strong is what I mean

To move my heart switch the place
walk in truth and full of grace
Hold these secrets close
conquer walls hiding my face

You know my way
twists and turns
you know the way
I'm left dry
all my colors
walk for miles
hold me close
I hear her say

directions

I found a love I had lost
never to mind the cost
things had been dark
for far too long

I'm not standing here
i'm the air above the ground
I think I see forever
clarity in all directions
the bitterness is gone

It was mine for too long
I believe in all directions
execution of bitterness
looking at blue skies
resoltion took too long

Changing all the hurt
for me
changing my earth
for me
resolution of dark
for me

I found love I had lost
changing everything
but now its gone
what is love anyway
just fears in my mind

In a way I found my doubt
why did I ever mind
does anyone love anyone
does anyone anyway
everything revealed by time

maybe life is like
what people want it to be
I don't believe in circumstance
the choices made really leads
someone away from you

Can anyone sacrifice
give love so much
they can never be sad
never worry never cry

Changing all the hurt
for me
changing my earth
for me
resolution of dark
for me

deep

Time itself is passing us by
Every mountain we climb
we have to climb down
every reflection in water
we have to wave away
every sun we see rising
ends on that very day

all the seasons of life
we get older every day
all the golden moments
endless and many
yet in the end
there are few

nothing is getting younger
and every day begins and ends
some perpetual endless hunger
hopes that may fade away
so slow down in the end

Yesterday carries us up
lifting us like a bird
all these windows open
in the end they will close
never


Looking back on the time
on the time of my life
tried to find a better place
a better place to play

All the places we would go
looking like it wouldnt end
taking in a look on your face
days I have wanted to save

You cant take back
what never lasts
you can't hold
as the days fold
as we grow old

you can look back
with a favor
the days saved
days together
always

nothing lasts forever
even the sun in the sky
remember those days swimming
when it all felt so deep

sands

The sun hides itself
silent as all lives rest
the winds are in their song
he's on the ocean edge
two children always close
never far

Its hard living a life
When the lights go out
when there was a time he found
a dream never far from his mind

everything is a dream
is it so as it seems
he's never been good
at holding what he needs

All of this could be
all that it seems
all memories go round
times not far from his mind
though he's not good
at this life

He remembers their hands
In them he could understand
what it meant for his life
now its only empty sands

two angels

This feeling never passes
A father closes his eyes

Darkness closes the door
He sees his angels
he see their eyes

overwhelming and crashing
angels go running
away in another life

In the center of his earth
the forces pull
a father cries
two angels he's waiting for

when his eyes are open
he sees them in the wind
closing his eyes
they come walking in

Here it comes
this pain everyday
coming back again
pulling his center
taking his wind

two angels gave him breath
all the things he never said
giving the ends to his means
like the sun

a work in progress

Could you believe in light
believe it could conquer all
Could you believe the same
if I could take your pain
surrender to the game
end it all

I dont need to justify it
to learn from your mistakes
its a foolish plan in place
it only pain in pointless waste
when fear washes you away

Inside you is there shame
do you feel as you say my name
be convinced in other plays
its all a choice you make
yet you can never say

If theres a cure I know
inside a stance I've stayed
reminds me of what I loathe
risk to love to risk again
or abandon one or both

If you need a little heaven
try to open for your share
an intervention hangin around
its a place in me if you dare
what does your heart say now

Light a candle silently in rain
gentle or it kills me where I lay
I wonder if memories ever will win
As I feel your presence distills mine
in you is something to believe in

my resurrection

Is there madness in my reasons
show me something
I've never seen before

I'm caught by your eyes
these consequences
a calm before a storm

I'm wanting direction
I've never had before
I want more

Is this the best
all the things i go by
premonitions for sure

I was happy
till I saw you on water
now its in my air

You surprised me
overpowered me
In my sea

theres a gut reaction
this is for sure
when I see you

It not so serious
not so difficult
easy to cure

I see your eyes
in the ocean
my resurrection
in the storm
I see you standing
on my shore

my harbour
in this tempest
I'm delirious
when your happy
Your smile
all i need.

things

Now she knows it isn't easy
the things she put him through
she had no right he paid his due
It wasnt as if she didnt realize
says he tries so hard to please me
yet she was removed and through
What else did he have to do

He wonders if she's thinking
for the first time
about all the things
she's said and done
Will she see things clearly
changes he hopes will come

She was testing his bravery
Left his heart feeling unsavoury
he needed her most he couldnt find
left him in the dark like he was blind
its as if she never realized
all this time why he's been so kind

He wonders if she's thinking
for the first time
about all the things
she's said and done
Will she see things clearly
changes he hopes will come

premonitions

I'm much too headstrong for my good
too involved and blind to realize
Her uncertainties indefinite me
everytime I was struck down
By her beautiful eyes

I challenged her for a reason
she impossible in her decieving
leaving damage impossible to win
no admitting she knows as I do

I'm naive to her politics on romance
Lost in past justifications and reasons
gut reactions my premonitions of her
always proven true thats for sure

everytime I turned my back
I was vulnerable to attack
everytime I turned to hold her
she stuck the knife in

flame

Under the anvil of the sun
I come undone
and I think of you

In the angry raging sea
I feel this heat
and my body screams

Like a flame
that keeps on burning
I long for rain
In the summertime

I burn and I'm on fire
my body higher
I keep on burning

In the yellow of the sun
I lay in a flame
My body is dust

like a burning light
bold and bright
my body rises

Like a flame
that keeps on burning
I long for rain
In the summertime

If only I could run fast
I could arrive
dancing in rain
by her side

sacrifice

If you want my life
If you still want me here
I would stay for you
Until the days go by

My hopes they dare hide
My sun my moon your eyes
I might burn in this death
only to take your debts

With one smile I walk
In your heartwinds I'll fall
Give myself to be your light
even as your sun darkens mine

In the dark
I'll be light
for your life
In the blur of lines
I'll catch the tears
from your eyes

I'll swim to your only place
Pray for skies soft in this hurt
To be a wish a waterfall a shoulder
To be lyrics to melodies in your words

If you take my sight I'll fall
just to be a harbour in your home
I would crawl to you out there
wander the desert blind on my own

Your eyes may blind my eyes
nothing could take my soul
You may take out my heart
my sacrifice to see you whole

In the dark
I'll be light
for your life
In the blur of lines
I'll catch the tears
from your eyes

alive.............lyrics

So you want to be free
in that beautiful place
Where there's no fear
no more pain to taste
Have you searched your heart now
have you cleansed your mind from doubt

The unknown road can be so long
the flesh is weak
tempations strong
by your side I will always stand
be your strength
be your man

My promise to you
when I broke all my ties
it was all for you
there is no sacrifice
I'm one you can lean on
I'll raise your eyes to the sun

With you I'm not blind
With you I can see
With you I have sight
With you I'm alive

My words are true
everything I have said
we must always lead
we must never be led

With me
you will never need
its my oath
my promise
my creed

I will stand
the test of time
by my side
you will never cry
the bond between us is deeper
until the end
I will be there

With you I'm not blind
With you I can see
With you I have sight
With you I'm alive

a work in progress

You see me standing near the wall
near a corner near a main street
taking in the beginning end scene
seeing it all the morning after

You saw me looking for a sunrise
near a paradise in a blue sky
taking in the air flying at me
what was the profit here anyway

You see me since I got my way
waving to an airway what a pain
taking a breath in a dream of day
I dance with fools still anyway

You see me speaking your name
taking in a laugh on a telephone
learned from a mistake I justify
pointed near my pointless waste

You see my fear just washed away
this simple plan by a simple man
a little part of me never far away
a complex cure can you understand

You saw me walking after midnite
You were walking out of nowhere
For your words i'll let you in
to hear you breathe so stay there

You see me everynight since then
I keep saying this ice is thin
I can show you so I'm to blame
I'm awake in this hunger my sin

You see me this taste so sweet
I know its making out since then
No other way I'm still the same
understand you are saying when

four little hands....wip

I've been waiting
searching every piece of the sands
Trying to forget and trying to find
four little hands

I'm getting over these regrets
I could sleep with angels
Yet the less skin I share
the more I call myself friend

I find myself staring
missing four little hands
I couldn't be happier
other ways giving my time

Its never been a question
Somewhere lies this repair
Staring at four little hands
standing here a shadow of a man

I gave love and affection
I couldnt keep them there
searching the waves for peace
remembering when I could breathe

I've been waiting to find
some peace in something kind
I keep walking these oceans
Smiles like lies all the time

I've been trying to calm
These reasons to what I mean
I cant be there when they fall
seems sometimes I'm lost in between

This shadow of man stands
on the endless ocean of sand
When my mind swims across oceans
to deliver everything I send
to the four little hands

another W.I.P

I walk past her unveiled
while she waits for someone
In my silence there she goes
She takes me over when I'm strong

I imagine her in candle light
A shrine for her as she waits
she breaks a bottle herself
she could take me so I stay

I've gone as far is I can go
she doesn't know what I know
I keep this dream before I die
keeping my soul close to mine

To give up giving in this life
its too much to waste this time
though its much farther to believe
Its harder to be one these days

If she would let me in to see
She could see the morning light
she could find before its late
I could be every little thing

She lifts me up and holds me down
I see her come say its alright
If I had a stranger feeling
would I be everything she sees

Soon later will be running over
when you find out all you are
It can be too late to seize
everything a thing could be

Its hard to find a piece of mind
When your running away from a sign
space where a wall used to be
its history from her memory

I tell her dont sell out
your close to what you will be
It hell out there no one is free
just lay down right here beside me

Someone tell her I'll be waiting
every day in the same usual place
maybe I'll be broken tired or weary
Waiting to rest until she's near me

I know I must walk this line
Until I find the open doors
farther away still out of touch
out on the street and off the floor

letting go

I thought I had every answer
to the questions in my mind
I didnt see you coming
I could'nt stop myself

I started in your deep
While you stood on my shore
swimming my splashing circle
surviving an emotion for more

I found you when I found me
I dissapeared in you
you just found fear in me
I just couldnt bring you over

Life pulled me in your direction
Your unknowns scattered my pieces
everything I knew for certain
I still dont know the reason

Every sunrise that warms me
burns me like memories
every part of me really close
Whenever I fall at your feet

broken promises say step away
but who will break your fall
were you ever there at all
But did I lose my way

Even though we met by accident
you still took me away
I remember your face
in the morning sun

You can't spend your life hiding
you reflection soon you'll see
in my heart you were sighted
you cant fear everything

salt is in my eyes again
I'm losing weight losing time
Stood far too long in your line
no one is allowed there

The days are going to waste
every second you never count
I'm swimming floating drowning
yet I'm still growing up

I thought you were strong enough
to feel the comfort in my eyes
Lives are changed by our minds
why did our dreams collide

Maybe I will see a better day
even though your my weakness
my colors fade and bleed together
I have to let go this way

I'm taking steps to free my mind
learning to finally let go
in this the painful moment
I opened my eyes

a quick one

So paint your lips
so shy and coy
a sharpened glass
simple and poised

The simple word
the harmless glare
a tainted wine
drains you bare

It binds you in
a faintest thread
crushed to your breast
the pressure there

everywhere I've been
the well runs dry
a charming enigma
you know so well

I'm washed out clean
truly baptized
taste these dreams
They numb your mind

Close your eyes
a christ has come
this crippled boy
you made a man

everything will dissolve
live with few regrets
memories I wont forget
everyone begs in time

a work in progress

I want the sun
I want to fly
To break these walls
That hold me inside

I want her light
to taste her kiss
to touch her face
dissapear in this place

I see clouds disappear
from the sun in her face
Our love turns it to rest
our calm in these days

I want to go there
starlight on her face
where wine is a flood
to find this release

I want to reach her
be blown by the wind
build than burn down
held pure from within

I want to take time
to show her a place
dance in the rain
so we can see rest

Pictures

I watch them never grow in my photographs
Memories frozen and their faces never change
My eyes betray me and tears don't feel real
living a life with pictures is all I can feel

I remember reading you stories to slip away quietly
I remember hearing you so delicate crying in the dark
I would run to be near you to chase away every fear
You were more than angels or heaven more than everything

Every day takes you farther away from me
You are beautiful bright and whiter than snow
Sometimes I drink to all that seems we have lost
I often float in the ocean cause its all I know

I look so long at these pictures they don't seem real
In these moments in my heart now I'm breaking apart
I want to run to you swim thru the ocean just to be near
Every rain now its your father lost crying in the dark

I want to find our place see the day find our escape
I walk a black beach under a dark moon wonder where you are
Every single step I count every star miles in my heart
Wherever I am you are here you never leave your always near

She's still seven and he's still five
She's not any different and he's still the same
All my pictures of two frozen angels and my pain
Pictures blurred by tears my endless rain

I once knew my enemy but now he looks like me
I let down my two angels now I'm breaking apart
I did everything yet the questions haunt me
Why I chose this endless darkness over cold

There is nothing in this world that I want more
I want you with me to swim in our ocean of stars
These pictures here they break me and I fall apart
Its time to pick up the pictures made of my heart

Remembering you how you used to be so much of me
Did I slip away in your heart quietly in the dark
You never see pictures of me all I am is a memory
I'm with you in me you are always near never far

grant my last request and let me hold them
all have now is pictures and I can't go there
All I know looking one more time I just can't bear
When all I have is pictures

endless waves

In your eyes love

I don't like to see you in pain

I see you lost sometimes

Yet in me you remain

I'm sorry I get so lost

Living for our survival

The days have crossed

your wounds in my heart

I often want to run away

I want to share the way I live

I come to the place you are

in silence you facade burns

I cry out from the inside

In the stars I see your eyes

I starlight I want to touch you

you keep drifting away

so much wasted

moments love slipping away

I feel so tied in this hurting

I see your eyes in the sunrise

I need you awake alive

so our instincts can return

without our passion from inside

in you I am relieved

walk through the dooway

no more in these searches

I want to be the open door

your ocean a pillar a floor

Love no more tears

your tears fall on me

The emptiness fills my heart

without a noise you hide

love count the endless waves

count the endless ways

in the endless days

I loved you

Stronger......see www.myspace.com/thecruciate for the song

Are we running
Are we spinning away
There's something stunning
There's something beyond our gaze

Will we stay within this place
Will we ever change our ways
Is there more pain we will taste
Are we true while face to face

I need to know while I'm alive

Are you one who wishes
for something stronger
For something stronger
Is what I yearn

Are we changing
Are we staying the same
Tired of rearranging
Wasting our days

I need to know before I die

Will we stay within this place
Will we ever change our ways
Is there more pain we will taste
Are we true while face to face

Are you one who wishes
For something stronger
Stronger
For something stronger
Is what I yearn

flood

There is something I want to give
I think i know what it is
I would rather die
Than never live

I could never be heartless
Never could take that sin
To swim in the ocean
Is all there is

I would like protection
sun on my thin skin
Just to feel the wind
When I close my eyes

I know the time has come
Well before I'm done
Taste a vast sea
Feel some peace

I want to feel some relief
Like no one to blame
My eyes to see the child
My God my angels

Where is the hope
Who is there to love
I could use these things
But where should I go

I know the place of peace
in the rivers of belief
running through streets
behind walls in me

I would like to touch a flame
feel two dark clouds dissappear
survive a poison rain
burning down love

all I can do in this flood
Beaten and blown by a wind
If only to hold there
I could see rest

closed

My eyes are open
I stand by the way
watching the world
waiting fading away

I make it through this way
leaving it out just saying
no tears are forming
I will say what I say

I see her she's just running
she's never moving so tell her
its her life to understand
goodbyes are a second chance

its my life I'm just saying
it will all just dissappear
take your time i have to say
living my life cause its the last

every smile travels the miles
There it runs inside the ocean
How can I explain seeing again
chasing me for the thrill of it

soaked and roaming around
seeing faces those I can't read
Its all I know in how I speak
I could use some relief

Run away afraid of the face
She could shake me to the core
If she noticed someone like me
Thats the end where I begin

I won't open the doors
No open door no coming in
no walking in no walking away
No climbing and there's no fall

Two

I say in love there are no rules
When one love pushes the other pulls
what brought them together gone
awake and asleep on the ship of fools

I say in love what matters to you
would you give all you wanted
can you dissappear in you
Could I ever disappear in me

I say in love is a desperate flower
She loves his danger its her drug
He loves her in a see through dress
a mirage as passion dies every hour

I say in love does anyone see
While one hangs on the other bleeds
they lie together in bliss as one
passing through trying to be free

I say love will draw the line
who will be first to cross over
leaving one to drift another to sink
one left crying how did it go there

I say love will get us every time
he climbs mountain to take her higher
His life surrounded by her fingertips
Heaven help them in this fire

I say in love no one wins
To stay with him she is a fool
In her grasp I am too
I say in love
everything feels true

another one in progress

She walked into my world
In flight that measures no time
Brief glimpses she gave
only a few of which I took

She held her arms crossed in flight
Flying away like endless stairs
I wanted her to speak
flying away like wind in sleep

She smiled like everything was alright
in the air in the dark then in the light
My arms were open wide
I closed my eyes to her drift away

She flew so close for the taking
I raised my arms flying away
It was bright as she disappeared
arms open wide in the sun

I close my eyes and lose the time
I can't sleep anymore so I never fly
An angel in my need
Like the life I felt from her
that made me sing

through your past...work in progress 2

I'm looking at you through your past
I'm thinking now I should have asked
Yet I can feel it in this weather
I see the sun the color like black
It doesn't mean I'm feeling sad
I just feel alone inside my bed

I don't feel like this is real
An answer without my question
So i'll stop this before I'm cold
When my soul becomes your soul
Feeling beauty within the bitter folds
A paper doll thats never old
Be gentle as your holding me

Stand outside my heart here looking in
Here and there and where I've been
I feel you staring at a shell of me
Its a bitter pill for a bitter me
The vast difference what you believe

A shooting star that died for you
A paper doll cut through and through
All the time is past and this instead
A light covered black inside I led

its all about...a work in progress

It’s all about the scene in these themes
It’s all about discerning what they mean
Its all about vying for the best in everything
The sun and moon the ocean inside it seems
Cause you won’t waste the waste of time
Maybe fall on your face, yet your'e doing fine

Its all about breathing in breathing everything
Its all about satisfying what youve been
Its all about a plea in these endless dreams
Seeing inside beyond, separating these things
No wasting a dime on distorted esteems
Its your treason to stay in that mind

Its all about resisting masses planting a seed
Its all about the deeds to reach your means
Its all about corporate snakes coming into feed
They will never be smarter than you,listen to me
You have come so far too far to not be free
No way to stray from your ultimate need

Its all about refusing to stand in the lines
Its all about seeing the signs in the times
Its all about differing the demons and wings
Global machine breeding mediocre beings
Consider these things awake and in dreams

"What does it mean to charge?"

Imagine you are out surfing and its 2-3 ft or 6-8 Hawaiian (whatever is your comfort zone)and there are wave safter waves of shreddable waves...there's no fear whatosoever, your comfortable, y and an ouve been in this position many times before......your just cruising. All of a sudden you look to the horizon and you can tell that suddenly the swell has picked up, or maybe its just a rogue wave, and its a solid 6 ft Hawaiian macker (its just bigger than anything you have ever been on) and its going straight for you...What would you do?
First, you know its not going to kill you, the worst thing that could happen is that you are going to get a healthy pounding, do a few mcspins, a mctwisty or two, and at worst kissy kiss with a litte reef action............do you turn around and start paddling to shore, planning on the white water hitting you and pushing you inside?, or do you say to yourself, this could be the biggest wave of my life and I just might get the most insane drop?.....Well its a new for you cause you had read this blog just prior to paddling out, so you paddle like a banshee for that gnarly set wave and you are trembling, your heart is racing, you turn, take a couple deep paddles and drop down the face, do a huge bottom turn and pull in...your'e in the green room now, looking though heavens window....the spit hits you in the back and you fire out over the back of the wave.....This is "charging" or another scenario: you paddle and turn and make the drop and the thick lip just blows you up and you take the worst beating you've ever had so far in your surfing experience....This is "charging" ......Either the way, the beauty of your charge has done in a brief second things to your soul....to your life........here are some of the immediate benefits...1) you survived. So from now on, you know you can survive and now your innate fear has been decreased...your one step closer to utopia......2) you limits have been broadened, you have grown, you have challenged yourself, its a moment for pride....3) the best of all, you are STRONGER....you now know that you can believe in yourself a little more......it has nothing to do with success or failure...you have pushed your limits........ Well this is when you are defined as "charging" or not....a Charger or a non-charger...note, no caps on the non-charger..it doesn't deserve it....
Lets make one thing clear, charging is not reckless abandon, or risky behavior...thats called barging...don't barge....charging is taking calculated risks that aren't life threatening, might involve a little pain, but have much to gain........its about taking your typical limits, and challenging yourself.....maybe trying a different church, maybe listening to different music, maybe telling someone what you really have felt for a long time, but were too scared to say it for fear of...oh my God, "rejection!" its just about living, not limiting yourself to the safety of "I know exactly how this could play out" cause that is never the case........More on charging later....

My Virgin Blog

So I'm joining the blogosphere.....I got the inspiration to do this from a friend of mine, and well here goes.............I've always enjoyed writing, I've written poetry and lyrics for as long as I can remember. There is something therapeutic about writing to me, even if no one reads it.......I was born in San Diego, to parents of portuegese and italian descent. So for starters I was screwed...italian and portuegese are probably the most passionate people in the world, and I got a triple dose of it. Whatever I do in life, I am all in, 100% commitment...I go big or don't go at all.....and that can be good, like for example if I'm dating someone, and bad for example if I go out on the town.... its to the wall......like my friend told me..."You charge too hard"...haha that was a compliment in my mind...
I'm a real person, there are no pretenses on my part. What you see is what you get, I have no filter. To this day I have friends and family that will call me to ask my opinion on something because they know that they will get the unalderated truth....If ya don't want the truth don't ask me......which will be a topic of one of my blogs at some point...."why people surround themselves with what they want to hear"..........I'm free spirited, If I feel like doing something, I do it as long is doesn't hurt someone. I live a life undefined, meaning that I refuse to let myself be defined by my age, my gender.....if I want to be a rockstar at 50 years old, I'll do it, if I want to take up sewing(this wont ever happen, sewing seems boring), I'll do it....George Foreman won the heavyweight title at age 45...everyone said he couldn't do it...way to go george......people might say, "oh you say this cause your getting older", not so I've lived my life this way for as long as I can remember...when I was 18 my best friend was almost 40 years old, at the time he was dating my girlfriends mom, and he was traveling the world taking pictures of children that were in war zones. He taught me so much about apartheid and the role of the united states in afghanistan and iran...yes people, the middle east issues have been going on forever...anyway, I digress. The point is, I would have never learned anything if I had put limits on myself. Never say I can't.
Anyway, I have lived all over the place. My parents did lots of things, missionaries, entrepenuers, restaraunteurs, and for the last 18 years my dad now does medicine...who knew? I've lived in san diego,hawaii,new york,ohio,washington, washington d.c.,nashville,maryland, san francisco...i went to poor private schools, homeschool, and expensive private schools, I was once in one of those fringe schools out in the wilderness that you hear about on 60 minutes. We were by the canadian border and we tried escaping by hiking out of mountain range, and almost froze to death in the wilderness....it was awesome...I've lived in poverty and I've had times of wealth...I've played alot of sports, NCAA basketball, boxed in the Golden Gloves, Jiu jitsu tournaments......One day I decided I'm going to do music and write my own album, so I picked up a guitar, started playing, met some other musicians, we wrote an album in 2 weeks and in 3 weeks we performed...you can hear the music and read the lyric(the only part I'm pseudo proud of) it was one of the best experiences of my life.....It might sound like I am tooting my own horn here, but I'm not...I'm trying to make a point that if you charge, you try new things, you experience, and give yourself to things, that there is so much to learn...there is sooooo much to lose by playing it safe all the time....
So after my discourse its time to talk about the blog....This blog is going to be a window into my soul, my thoughts, my opinions....it will probably piss some of the people off that read it(if anyone does)...well......GOOD...... I hope that it resonates with people, I hope that it periodically makes you uncomfortable, inspires you, makes you think....makes you consider the other side...helps you to think outside of the box that your upbringin may have put you in....lets do this............I'm going to end this with one question, and if you leave a comment, please answer it....."Are you close minded?"