endless waves

In your eyes love

I don't like to see you in pain

I see you lost sometimes

Yet in me you remain

I'm sorry I get so lost

Living for our survival

The days have crossed

your wounds in my heart

I often want to run away

I want to share the way I live

I come to the place you are

in silence you facade burns

I cry out from the inside

In the stars I see your eyes

I starlight I want to touch you

you keep drifting away

so much wasted

moments love slipping away

I feel so tied in this hurting

I see your eyes in the sunrise

I need you awake alive

so our instincts can return

without our passion from inside

in you I am relieved

walk through the dooway

no more in these searches

I want to be the open door

your ocean a pillar a floor

Love no more tears

your tears fall on me

The emptiness fills my heart

without a noise you hide

love count the endless waves

count the endless ways

in the endless days

I loved you

Stronger......see www.myspace.com/thecruciate for the song

Are we running
Are we spinning away
There's something stunning
There's something beyond our gaze

Will we stay within this place
Will we ever change our ways
Is there more pain we will taste
Are we true while face to face

I need to know while I'm alive

Are you one who wishes
for something stronger
For something stronger
Is what I yearn

Are we changing
Are we staying the same
Tired of rearranging
Wasting our days

I need to know before I die

Will we stay within this place
Will we ever change our ways
Is there more pain we will taste
Are we true while face to face

Are you one who wishes
For something stronger
Stronger
For something stronger
Is what I yearn

flood

There is something I want to give
I think i know what it is
I would rather die
Than never live

I could never be heartless
Never could take that sin
To swim in the ocean
Is all there is

I would like protection
sun on my thin skin
Just to feel the wind
When I close my eyes

I know the time has come
Well before I'm done
Taste a vast sea
Feel some peace

I want to feel some relief
Like no one to blame
My eyes to see the child
My God my angels

Where is the hope
Who is there to love
I could use these things
But where should I go

I know the place of peace
in the rivers of belief
running through streets
behind walls in me

I would like to touch a flame
feel two dark clouds dissappear
survive a poison rain
burning down love

all I can do in this flood
Beaten and blown by a wind
If only to hold there
I could see rest

closed

My eyes are open
I stand by the way
watching the world
waiting fading away

I make it through this way
leaving it out just saying
no tears are forming
I will say what I say

I see her she's just running
she's never moving so tell her
its her life to understand
goodbyes are a second chance

its my life I'm just saying
it will all just dissappear
take your time i have to say
living my life cause its the last

every smile travels the miles
There it runs inside the ocean
How can I explain seeing again
chasing me for the thrill of it

soaked and roaming around
seeing faces those I can't read
Its all I know in how I speak
I could use some relief

Run away afraid of the face
She could shake me to the core
If she noticed someone like me
Thats the end where I begin

I won't open the doors
No open door no coming in
no walking in no walking away
No climbing and there's no fall

Two

I say in love there are no rules
When one love pushes the other pulls
what brought them together gone
awake and asleep on the ship of fools

I say in love what matters to you
would you give all you wanted
can you dissappear in you
Could I ever disappear in me

I say in love is a desperate flower
She loves his danger its her drug
He loves her in a see through dress
a mirage as passion dies every hour

I say in love does anyone see
While one hangs on the other bleeds
they lie together in bliss as one
passing through trying to be free

I say love will draw the line
who will be first to cross over
leaving one to drift another to sink
one left crying how did it go there

I say love will get us every time
he climbs mountain to take her higher
His life surrounded by her fingertips
Heaven help them in this fire

I say in love no one wins
To stay with him she is a fool
In her grasp I am too
I say in love
everything feels true

another one in progress

She walked into my world
In flight that measures no time
Brief glimpses she gave
only a few of which I took

She held her arms crossed in flight
Flying away like endless stairs
I wanted her to speak
flying away like wind in sleep

She smiled like everything was alright
in the air in the dark then in the light
My arms were open wide
I closed my eyes to her drift away

She flew so close for the taking
I raised my arms flying away
It was bright as she disappeared
arms open wide in the sun

I close my eyes and lose the time
I can't sleep anymore so I never fly
An angel in my need
Like the life I felt from her
that made me sing

through your past...work in progress 2

I'm looking at you through your past
I'm thinking now I should have asked
Yet I can feel it in this weather
I see the sun the color like black
It doesn't mean I'm feeling sad
I just feel alone inside my bed

I don't feel like this is real
An answer without my question
So i'll stop this before I'm cold
When my soul becomes your soul
Feeling beauty within the bitter folds
A paper doll thats never old
Be gentle as your holding me

Stand outside my heart here looking in
Here and there and where I've been
I feel you staring at a shell of me
Its a bitter pill for a bitter me
The vast difference what you believe

A shooting star that died for you
A paper doll cut through and through
All the time is past and this instead
A light covered black inside I led

its all about...a work in progress

It’s all about the scene in these themes
It’s all about discerning what they mean
Its all about vying for the best in everything
The sun and moon the ocean inside it seems
Cause you won’t waste the waste of time
Maybe fall on your face, yet your'e doing fine

Its all about breathing in breathing everything
Its all about satisfying what youve been
Its all about a plea in these endless dreams
Seeing inside beyond, separating these things
No wasting a dime on distorted esteems
Its your treason to stay in that mind

Its all about resisting masses planting a seed
Its all about the deeds to reach your means
Its all about corporate snakes coming into feed
They will never be smarter than you,listen to me
You have come so far too far to not be free
No way to stray from your ultimate need

Its all about refusing to stand in the lines
Its all about seeing the signs in the times
Its all about differing the demons and wings
Global machine breeding mediocre beings
Consider these things awake and in dreams

"What does it mean to charge?"

Imagine you are out surfing and its 2-3 ft or 6-8 Hawaiian (whatever is your comfort zone)and there are wave safter waves of shreddable waves...there's no fear whatosoever, your comfortable, y and an ouve been in this position many times before......your just cruising. All of a sudden you look to the horizon and you can tell that suddenly the swell has picked up, or maybe its just a rogue wave, and its a solid 6 ft Hawaiian macker (its just bigger than anything you have ever been on) and its going straight for you...What would you do?
First, you know its not going to kill you, the worst thing that could happen is that you are going to get a healthy pounding, do a few mcspins, a mctwisty or two, and at worst kissy kiss with a litte reef action............do you turn around and start paddling to shore, planning on the white water hitting you and pushing you inside?, or do you say to yourself, this could be the biggest wave of my life and I just might get the most insane drop?.....Well its a new for you cause you had read this blog just prior to paddling out, so you paddle like a banshee for that gnarly set wave and you are trembling, your heart is racing, you turn, take a couple deep paddles and drop down the face, do a huge bottom turn and pull in...your'e in the green room now, looking though heavens window....the spit hits you in the back and you fire out over the back of the wave.....This is "charging" or another scenario: you paddle and turn and make the drop and the thick lip just blows you up and you take the worst beating you've ever had so far in your surfing experience....This is "charging" ......Either the way, the beauty of your charge has done in a brief second things to your soul....to your life........here are some of the immediate benefits...1) you survived. So from now on, you know you can survive and now your innate fear has been decreased...your one step closer to utopia......2) you limits have been broadened, you have grown, you have challenged yourself, its a moment for pride....3) the best of all, you are STRONGER....you now know that you can believe in yourself a little more......it has nothing to do with success or failure...you have pushed your limits........ Well this is when you are defined as "charging" or not....a Charger or a non-charger...note, no caps on the non-charger..it doesn't deserve it....
Lets make one thing clear, charging is not reckless abandon, or risky behavior...thats called barging...don't barge....charging is taking calculated risks that aren't life threatening, might involve a little pain, but have much to gain........its about taking your typical limits, and challenging yourself.....maybe trying a different church, maybe listening to different music, maybe telling someone what you really have felt for a long time, but were too scared to say it for fear of...oh my God, "rejection!" its just about living, not limiting yourself to the safety of "I know exactly how this could play out" cause that is never the case........More on charging later....